They say that the joy is in the journey not the destination. Well, I am not going to say that my journey was neither miserable nor super fun, but, in true Quigley fashion, it was entertaining! The day started off pretty normal. I am no stranger to flying so security, pat downs and airport crowds really don’t faze me anymore. However, the airport always proves to be ripe people watching grounds and no one can ever quite prepare for the characters and events you will witness while spending a day at the airport. The following are people, things, or occurrences that brightened up my day and I so hope that in sharing them, yours might be a little brighter too.
Subject no. 1- Officer Sunshine
This cheerful gentleman and officer of the peace, kick started my day right out of the gate. Now, I have seen cops on various forms of transportation and an officer on a bicycle is no strange concept but I couldn’t help but notice how out of place this officer seemed to be. In his bright yellow shirt (for our safety I’m sure, since there are no automobiles inside the terminals) this officer orbited around the people seated at gate A7. Obviously this guy skipped 3rd grade Astronomy. We orbit the sun, not the other way around.
It wasn’t just his bizzaro-world solar orbit that I found entertaining rather the chipper manner in which he did it. For anyone who has ever been to a parade, you can recall the motorcycle cops and the precision they exercise as they show off just how close they can come to running over the toes of 5 year old children. Well, apparently the training facility for such exercises is the airport and the vehicle is a bicycle.
Officer Sunshine rolled across the room, coming dangerously close to toes, luggage, and of course, children. His acts inspiring a confusion of anger and amazement in each of us, all while offering a cheery “good morning” accompanied by a perfect parade wave. Next time, throw taffy please!
Subject no. 2- Shuttle Driver
I am convinced that in order to be a taxi or shuttle driver, one must provide proof of insanity and/or astonishing ability of social awkwardness. Also, a keen mind for economics and business is a definite plus. My shuttle driver today was a shining example of the perfect taxi driver (I think he has earned his beaded seat cover).
I left that shuttle far more knowledgeable about the stock market and starting my own business than ever before. He guaranteed me that if I would follow his advice; then I could retire at the age of 40, “just like all his friends”. I think it’s high time that someone wrote a book entitled “Everything I Need to Know About Business, My Cabbie Told Me”.
As if these valuable jewels of knowledge were not enough, he also recommended a restaurant, based on what he has seen people wearing who walked into the restaurant. He also proceeded to divert from the regular route to the airport to show me the restaurant. This tour also included “best spot to pick up a prostitute” and advice on what to look for in a prostitute and how much I should expect to pay. Somehow I trust his judgment a little more on the latter subject than on, well, pretty much anything else he said to me.
Subject no. 3- Myself
Sometimes in life, you’ve got to look at yourself and think, “You idiot!” and then laugh. Today, was one of those times for myself. Security in SLC was pretty much a breeze. I did get the pat down, but all went smoothly and without any delays. LAX on the other hand must have tighter security protocol.
Last minute in packing last night I switched all of my books to my carry on to avoid having too heavy checked luggage. I also had the hair brained idea to bring all of my anthropology books I will be using next semester to jump start my reading (we will see how that goes). Well it just so turns out that stacking all of those books together were too dense in the x-rays to tell what it was.
The TSA officer politely pulled me aside and proceeded to rummage through my luggage. He pulled each book out one by one and flipped through their pages to be sure that I wasn’t hiding anything. It was totally understandable and wouldn’t have been an issue if they had been any other books.
You see, this isn’t any normal anthropology class. To be precise, it is a class on the anthropology of violence. Allow me to list the book titles which TSA pulled from my luggage and examined one by one; “War, and Peace, and War”, “WAR: Before Civilization”, “Homicide”, and “A Culture of Honor” with an image of a smoking gun. These also accompanied by an LSAT study guide, a notebook and a copy of the Book of Mormon. Needless to say, the congenial attitude of the routine check grew sterner with each book that was removed from the suitcase.
I was sure that I would be taken into the back-room for questioning. Thank goodness, TSA did not deem my studies a threat to national security (which is good since I am studying in order to protect national security) and let me go without further questions. The TSA officer did leave me with one caveat, “War never made peace”. (*cue 60’s flower power music*)
1 comments:
Good times!!
Thanks for reminding me that I need to purchase a new beaded seat cover. ;)
Can't wait to hear more from OZ ...
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